Once again I’m scrambling Sunday night at 10 pm to write a post for a blog that no one but me cares about. But that’s how it starts right? Tiny bottom feeder nublet on the floor of the grimy sea. But I’m still truckin’! And that’s what counts!
I really have to get this writing schedule thing down better though. Pantsing is okay for some things but not this. This is the gateway to my future. I should at least have a facsimile of professionalism. The thing of it is though, I find myself struggling to come up with content for the blog now. I mean, I’ve written about writing for the past year with some repeat subjects I’m sure. Variations on a theme. How much can I beat the dead horse? And trying to fit in time to write between familial dramas lately has been difficult.
These sound like excuses and perhaps they are but it’s been a genuine challenge to keep up with my writing. My brain has been fractured of late.
So what happened? Did I just run out of steam? Did the creative well run dry? Kind of. But I think it was more a lack of focus than anything else. Somewhere along the way this year, writing stopped becoming a priority for me. There were some days where I’d only write texts and grocery lists. It happens. I’m a wife and mother and I run a household. The “Writer Jessica” took a back seat to it though. I took a long look back and analyzed where exactly the break down took place and how it came to be.
-I stopped writing in my personal journal. As it turns out, I’m still very much a girl at heart and would only really write when I had problems. Especially boy problems. But up until recently, I didn’t have any. There was only so many entries I could write about marriage and motherhood. It all kinda blends in together after a while.
-I stopped reading as much. Again, on account of being so busy with real life stuff, my reading has also taken a back seat. Sometimes before bed I’ll read a chapter…and pass out drooling on my book with the lights still on. I have a stack of 7 books on my headboard that have all been started and not finished. Yeah…I know….
-I stopped browsing through blog posts and articles. I mainly only came on WordPress to write my blog and Thursday Mother Project entry and nothing else. I didn’t read any of the other writers I followed or comment or like anything.
-Thanks to my bestie Owen, I’ve started to embrace a new and healthier lifestyle. Eating healthier and exercising more. YAY ME! But that also took my focus away from writing, trying to figure out how to juggle everything. Boo.
-Emotional turmoil. Enough said. Who wants to write while their heart is being wrung out like a wet rag? (Makes for good fiction stories though right? Ha.)
-Familial drama. Sisters getting kicked out. Cousins getting laid off and having to make car payments. Mothers moving and getting new jobs. Dog sitting. Yeah.
Excuses, excuses. I feel your judgement! But hey, you have to remember, I’m allergic to routine and schedules! I break out in scowls. Also, I’m very clumsy and cannot juggle worth a crap. I have along way to go and I know it. Writing pace: TURTLE LEVEL. I feel it keenly, especially while writing humbling posts like this one. It’s healthy. I think. It’s all about the journey right?
Seeing all this written down in a list though (and I do love lists!) is a good reminder that when you aim to be a writer, especially a novelist, you need to inundate yourself with all the elements of your craft to be successful. You need to practice it, read about it, and breathe it in. AND you need to make a schedule that works for you. If things change in your life, find a way to work around it quickly. Don’t let real life get in the way too much of your career/future. If you want to succeed, you have to find a way over, around and through the road blocks.
Best advice of all? TAKE YOUR OWN ADVICE.
So this is me getting back to my writing. Back to my Dream, TALLY HO!!